I love the act of reflection. Looking back upon moments that have passed, and remembering every detail suspended in that space is a true pleasure that I indulge in often. I’ve been told that I hang onto things and live in the past, and there was a time in my life where I was ashamed that people thought of me that way. Now, I’ve embraced this about myself, and care not what others think about it. 2020 was a year where holding on to the past, revisiting moments and reflecting upon the good times, was one of the only things that kept me going. And I realize that many others around me were instead looking forward to the future, hoping that their saving grace would come. I realized, that mine had already come and it conveniently resided inside of me, bringing peace and joy in an otherwise hollow shell.
Are things perfect now, absolutely not. Were things perfect then, no. But I have been able to find joy when everything around me tried to convince me that there was none that could be found; so, I think that in the grand scheme of things, I’m doing alright. So many in this world are hurting, but it’s always been this way… we just finally all have one thing in common that we can attribute our grief to. And it isn’t just grief, it’s the uncertainty of the future, of our standing as a society etc. And I’m not trying to minimize that at all, because we are all dealing with something, but the truth of the matter is that this stuff has been going on. Now that it’s one a larger scale, people are able to relate to one another more… because they choose to. They’re okay with bonding through their grief I suppose.
I don’t want to go into all of my thoughts on the matter. I simply wanted to say that if you find some glimmer of hope, of joy or of peace in something during these tumultuous times, even something as easy as looking to the past, then take the time to indulge and don’t be ashamed of it. As long as it’s not hurting anybody or anything, find your saving grace.